Are you in an abusive relationship or marriage? In your relationship, do you constantly feel that you have lost your self-worth? Are you grappling with shame or guilt? Do you feel trapped and need help to leave your present relationship? Or you feel you deserve the abuse. Or you feel he hits you because you said what you said the wrong time? Do you make excuses for his ‘abuses?’
NB: I will be using “Person A”, all through this article as the abuser.
Domestic violence/abuse, aka, family violence, can take many forms, including physical, emotional, sexual, financial, spiritual, social, and threats of abuse and may lead to irreversible result such as death. It is domestic because it occurs with someone you have an intimate relationship with.
Physical abuse has to do with inflicting bodily harm such as strangulation, acid attacks, battery, death on the victims. It also includes sleep deprivation, medical access denial, manipulation, isolation, limitation of human right, etc. Women are often at the receiving end of this brutal behaviour.
Domestic violence might not come to you outrightly and say “I’m domestic violence”, person A is charming, don’t fall for it, watch out for signs. I understand experience differs, but for some, it comes subtly and snowballs into something worse. For others, it is brazen from the onset.
These are signs you might be in an abusive relationship:
1. Person A is always jealous to the extent of accusing you of cheating even without verifiable evidence.
2. Person A monitors your every movement, want constant communication on what you indulge in at all times. Person A exhibit a possessive and controlling behaviour.
3. Person A wants you to cut ties with family and friends. Person A might not talk to you straight forward but exhibit this trait.
4. Person threatens violence.
5. Person uses demeaning (nasty) words against you.
6. Person A forces you to have sex.
7. Person A apologizes, promises to change, buys you gift or take you to an expensive restaurant. Domestic violence is a cycle, chances are that it will occur again and again.
8. Person A, hits you at every slightest provocation
1. Quit blaming yourself
2. Being ‘selfish’ about your own happiness should be your goal. Make your happiness your priority.
3. Before you tie the nuptial knots, ensure you have your own source of income, should something like this happen.
Get out of the relationship, do not plan to leave, just leave.
In all you do, DO NO TAKE BLAME for being a victim of domestic abuse.